All: In other Wikimedia-related forums, recent discussions have focused on some (alleged) comments at the Wiki Conference in New York. Apparently, some people suggested that the WMF's Executive Director should "dump" her significant other.[1] Many have expressed outrage about this. (For background, see this blog post from May 30.[2] What's described there has continued to play out in the weeks since, just not on this list.) I think we all share a concern about the amount of "drama" in our community-wide discussions. Expressing outrage (even though it's sometimes appropriate and necessary) can often be the fuel of "drama" -- and I think it's important to explore what's been going on in relation to that principle. So, a couple points: Point #1: Gossiping about personal relationships, including points like who should dump whom, is totally normal behavior in small group conversation. Not outrageous -- totally normal behavior. In pretty much every social context I've ever experienced. I think that much is easily enough to explain and excuse any of the comments people are complaining about. But in this case, there's of course more going on: Point #2: The ED of the WMF can influence the world in significant ways, and we all have a stake in how that goes. Her first day on the job was completely overshadowed by her partner's aggressive pursuit of his own agenda. In the weeks since, that has only intensified. When the ED responsible for the largest online community in the world declines to take decisive and effective action on something this significant, and declines to take ownership of her own introduction and priorities, many people -- both on this list and in the wider world -- will take notice, and will talk about what might, or could, or should happen next. That is the natural way of things. One obvious "decisive action" she could take would be to "dump" her partner. Her partner underscored that their connection was a legitimate point of discussion by choosing to introduce himself entirely in reference to her in his first email to this list,[3] and by then continuing to talk about their relationship. When the idea that she might "dump" him comes up, I doubt the main intent is ever to meddle in anybody's personal life. I have (of course) made comments like this, in many private discussions, and I wouldn't be surprised if it comes up again. It's a comment that comes up while talking about possible outcomes, and ones that might stand a chance of resolving this mess. "Dumping" is rarely a central topic of interest, simply because nobody I've talked to knows much about the relationship beyond the baffling and frightening dynamic that has played out in public. Right now, those who care about Wikimedia are in an incomprehensible situation. The ED's partner, not the ED, is driving highly visible and influential discussions. Of course all kinds of things are being said about it, in all kinds of places. Anybody who acts surprised about that is in some kind of denial, and -- probably unintentionally -- further fueling the drama with their expressions of outrage. Commentary about a high profile relationship is normal, and while it's *possible* for it to be mean-spirited, it often isn't. Anyone who wants to abolish gossip doesn't have a problem with Wikimedians' sense of propriety, they have a problem with a basic aspect of normal, human social interactions, and/or with the dedication of a worldwide community that deeply values our projects, and prioritizes their well-being. So please, let's let this one go. Let's keep our attention on more important matters -- for instance, how we can build the health, productivity, and diversity of our communities. -Pete [[User:Peteforsyth]] on English Wikipedia etc. [1] I'm leaving personal names out of this post, to reduce the likelihood of this message showing up in web searches on those names. [2] http://thewikipedian.net/2014/05/30/meet-lila-tretikov-wikimedias-new-leade… [3] http://lists.wikimedia.org/pipermail/wikimedia-l/2014-May/071519.html