I hate to use physiological excuses, but...the reason I "lost control" was I had a bad head cold - plus doing strong coffee on top. So confused mental/emotional states on steroids dominated my writing...
I value Wikipedia as a place where I HAVE to be diplomatic, since I do lose my temper like that a bit too much sometimes on various male dominated political lists where there's a lot of flaming, so I was unhappy about my own "slip."
I did write Mr. Morton and (sort of) apologize for "starting" in such a provocative "joking" tone because of his "nice" comment, instead of just making a civil comment/question...and then for my escalating from there. Two days on my apologies to the him and the list are even more sincere!! :-)
Glad to see Laura misunderstood and wasn't asked to leave. Politically I understand worldwide problems with American Imperialism; Wikimedia-wise I just haven't been sufficiently on top of the intricacies of Wikimedia politics to understand all the issues so at least there I've been able to maintain my diplomacy - so far!!
CM
Hey Carol (and the list!)
The escalation was equally my fault. And I also apologise for the incident, and the things I said.
My "nice" comment, as I explained in private, was not intended to cause upset - I was unaware of the connotations. In that light; I can see how my reply could cause upset, and in future I'll avoid the word! (Incidentally, that reminds me of an anecdote from primary school - when I wrote a short story which used the word "nice" to describe something. I didn't half get an ear bashing from my teacher about how horrible and bland a word it was. So this is not the first time I have gotten in trouble using "nice" in my writing)
Anyway; what you wrote the other day, Carol, was most definitely an apology, no "sort of" about it :) And I hope my apology in reply was adequate.
As I mentioned in our email exchange the other day; being a male on this list can sometimes make it feel difficult to participate. If I respond in-kind to strong comments this gets criticised (not unreasonably). If I roll over I feel this is just as sexist/rude, even if only I know about it (i.e. I'm subject to a thought process like "that person is female, so I should defer to avoid causing offence").
My solution is to try and make my responses match the message I am replying to; this obviously doesn't always work out :)
So in the future if I am being a jerk or an idiot a) it has nothing to do with the sex of the people involved and b) please do send me a private note with the appropriate level of "trout" applied.
We all get grumpy or offended at times, and I don't mean it personally.
The notes from the moderators posted to this list are great; and I will do my best to meet the high standard they are looking for in the future. Tom
On 30 August 2012 14:31, Carol Moore DC carolmooredc@verizon.net wrote:
I hate to use physiological excuses, but...the reason I "lost control" was I had a bad head cold - plus doing strong coffee on top. So confused mental/emotional states on steroids dominated my writing...
I value Wikipedia as a place where I HAVE to be diplomatic, since I do lose my temper like that a bit too much sometimes on various male dominated political lists where there's a lot of flaming, so I was unhappy about my own "slip."
I did write Mr. Morton and (sort of) apologize for "starting" in such a provocative "joking" tone because of his "nice" comment, instead of just making a civil comment/question...and then for my escalating from there. Two days on my apologies to the him and the list are even more sincere!! :-)
Glad to see Laura misunderstood and wasn't asked to leave. Politically I understand worldwide problems with American Imperialism; Wikimedia-wise I just haven't been sufficiently on top of the intricacies of Wikimedia politics to understand all the issues so at least there I've been able to maintain my diplomacy - so far!!
CM
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Hi Thomas and Carol -
I'm glad to hear you too were able to come together offline and talk about the situation and have a non-caffeinated drink together ;) via the web, so to say.
We're happy to throw trouts around here when needed, and like Kevin and I both said - if needed, we will moderate this list to the maximum if the drama llama makes another stop by.
I'm glad you are both here, and both so passionate about all of this. So let's channel that passion into positive things and "viva la revolution"[1] :)
-Sarah
[1] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvWEKhGU6X4 (classic british punk)
On 8/30/12 7:03 AM, Thomas Morton wrote:
Hey Carol (and the list!)
The escalation was equally my fault. And I also apologise for the incident, and the things I said.
My "nice" comment, as I explained in private, was not intended to cause upset - I was unaware of the connotations. In that light; I can see how my reply could cause upset, and in future I'll avoid the word! (Incidentally, that reminds me of an anecdote from primary school - when I wrote a short story which used the word "nice" to describe something. I didn't half get an ear bashing from my teacher about how horrible and bland a word it was. So this is not the first time I have gotten in trouble using "nice" in my writing)
Anyway; what you wrote the other day, Carol, was most definitely an apology, no "sort of" about it :) And I hope my apology in reply was adequate.
As I mentioned in our email exchange the other day; being a male on this list can sometimes make it feel difficult to participate. If I respond in-kind to strong comments this gets criticised (not unreasonably). If I roll over I feel this is just as sexist/rude, even if only I know about it (i.e. I'm subject to a thought process like "that person is female, so I should defer to avoid causing offence").
My solution is to try and make my responses match the message I am replying to; this obviously doesn't always work out :)
So in the future if I am being a jerk or an idiot a) it has nothing to do with the sex of the people involved and b) please do send me a private note with the appropriate level of "trout" applied.
We all get grumpy or offended at times, and I don't mean it personally.
The notes from the moderators posted to this list are great; and I will do my best to meet the high standard they are looking for in the future. Tom
On 30 August 2012 14:31, Carol Moore DC <carolmooredc@verizon.net mailto:carolmooredc@verizon.net> wrote:
I hate to use physiological excuses, but...the reason I "lost control" was I had a bad head cold - plus doing strong coffee on top. So confused mental/emotional states on steroids dominated my writing... I value Wikipedia as a place where I HAVE to be diplomatic, since I do lose my temper like that a bit too much sometimes on various male dominated political lists where there's a lot of flaming, so I was unhappy about my own "slip." I did write Mr. Morton and (sort of) apologize for "starting" in such a provocative "joking" tone because of his "nice" comment, instead of just making a civil comment/question...and then for my escalating from there. Two days on my apologies to the him and the list are even more sincere!! :-) Glad to see Laura misunderstood and wasn't asked to leave. Politically I understand worldwide problems with American Imperialism; Wikimedia-wise I just haven't been sufficiently on top of the intricacies of Wikimedia politics to understand all the issues so at least there I've been able to maintain my diplomacy - so far!! CM _______________________________________________ Gendergap mailing list Gendergap@lists.wikimedia.org <mailto:Gendergap@lists.wikimedia.org> https://lists.wikimedia.org/mailman/listinfo/gendergap
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