2009/5/5 <wjhonson(a)aol.com>om>:
-----Original Message-----
From: FT2 <ft2.wiki(a)gmail.com>
To: English Wikipedia <wikien-l(a)lists.wikimedia.org>
Sent: Tue, 5 May 2009 12:35 am
Subject: Re: [WikiEN-l] Twitterpedia will win
Redundant text - "the X war was a war" duh :) Try this:
"The Peloponnesian War (Ancient Greece, 431-404BC), took place between
Athens and its empire, against the Eponymous League led by Sparta. Rock
on!">>
---------------------
Why do you have to state "Ancient Greece" ? And remove "The"
Also "was" is much shorter than "took place"
"Peloponnesian War (431-404BC), Athens and its empire, against the
Spartan-led Eponymous League."
"Peloponnesian War (431-404BC), Athens and its empire vs Spartan-led
Eponymous League."
"Eponymous" could be confusing. Repeating the word Peloponnesian is
less confusing.
Carcharoth