On 2/28/06, VeryVerily <veryverily(a)gmail.com> wrote:
On 2/28/06, The Cunctator <cunctator(a)gmail.com>
wrote:
As ye olde former Arbitration Committee member, I
think
1) VeryVerily is something of a dick (or, more specifically, he's
rather incapable of ignoring antagonistic behavior, and quick to get
antagonized).
It may be true I get antagonized more easily than I should, but I
don't think this earns me the d-word. Maybe you have an expanded
definition.
See
http://meta.wikimedia.org/wiki/Don%27t_be_a_dick
It's not just that you get antagonized, it's that you engage in
wheedling lawyerly arguments when you're riled up. Believe me, I'm on
your side here, but you need to just stop making your arguments over
and over. Bringing up your point once suffices. (Or it doesn't, but
repeating it won't help, either.)
Yes, it's mindblowingly frustrating to be in your position (I often
am, myself) but you still have to be the better person. The trick is
to mollifying petty autocrats is to be unpredictable in your responses
to antagonism--sometimes contesting, sometimes walking away, ideally
finding points of agreement. I find simply cataloguing attacks on me
(with anything I did to provoke it) and providing no other response to
be both satisfying and a good way to break cycles of criticism.
Look for the points of agreement.
Recognize that what most people are looking for is a sense of
contrition for driving them crazy.
Because you have driven people crazy, and you're kind of doing so now.