On 10/17/07, George Herbert
<george.herbert(a)gmail.com> wrote:
That sort of language puts people on the
defensive (or offensive).
It may also cause hot (or cold) flashes. Your mileage will vary. :)
If the objective was to convince Will that he
made a mistake, putting
him on the defensive by offending at him doesn't accomplish the goal.
You are making the unwarranted assumption that he was not already on
the defensive. Careful not to give David too much credit.
Defensive people hunker down (or, go offensive
back), as a general
rule.
It's counterproductive in discussions to use language like that,
because it solidifies disagreeing opinions rather than opens people up
to introspective self-criticism and behavior changes.
on 10/18/07 11:49 AM,
Charlotte Webb at charlottethewebb(a)gmail.com wrote:
If anybody (on this mailing list or elsewhere) changes
their behavior,
it will be because they wanted to, not because others demanded it.
Absolutely true, CW.
It's not the sort of thing that commonly happens
overnight either.
Usually gradually enough to avoid notice, and hardly ever as a result
of any one incident.
But the timing of that change also depends on what the person feels or knows
they will lose if they don't change it - and if they care.
If they believe they are untouchable, nothing is going to happen - ever.
Marc Riddell
C.W.
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