Quoting Gregory Maxwell gmaxwell@gmail.com:
Instead we probably need so say things like "Don't assume that people have any clue what they are doing wrong. New users are often lost and confused. Our policy pages amount to megabytes of text. Taking a moment to be kind and helpful will pay off over time. Vandalism can wait a moment." ... and being able to provide *good* example of what to do and what not to do would be very helpful.
Agreed. One thing to do (and I don't have an example off the top of my head) is to to mark for speedy deletion things without leaving a note on the talk page of the person explaining why it has been marked for speedy deletion. This comes across as very impersonal. Additioally, if the person is a new user, they should first use a welcome template and then mention the speedy deletion. It might make sense to make some welcome-speedy templates for this purpose since the standard welcome template combined with a standard speedy template is very obvious a pair of form letters which can come across as biting by its impersonal nature.