Folks,
The problem of abusive, combative, counter-productive language between
persons on this List, and on the Project's Talk Pages, is not going to be
solved with new rules or policies - but by example. If each one of us,
before we hit "send", takes the time to really review what we have written,
and ask ourselves: If the person were sitting across from me would I say the
very same thing, in the very same way? - I believe the List would have a
very different tone. And we may even be able to get more substantive work
done, and in a shorter period of time. Personally, before I send any
message, I speak it aloud. Try it once, it can really be revealing.
We need to keep in mind that we are here to present to, and focus on, issues
related to the Project. In all cases, and at all times, keep what you are
saying focused on the subject at hand - not on the person you are discussing
it with. Ask yourself: Is what you have said helping to advance the
discussion, or, by switching the focus to the other person, stopping it dead
in its tracks?
If you find yourself being taunted by another, this may be helpful:
Learn your vulnerable spots - we all have them. They are like bruises on the
body; when touched - we react. Learn that reaction. When communicating with
someone, if you feel that reaction: Stop - Know what it is - Acknowledge it
to yourself - Take a breath - and Stay on subject. Or, simply, don't
respond.
Someone who truly wants to communicate with you will deliberately try to
avoid any spot they think might be a bruise - especially if they have a
similar one of their own.
I believe if we all take a pledge to stay focused on the issue being
discussed; to direct our emotions at the substance of the message, and not
at the person delivering it, this List might not be so painful at times to
read - and not as tedious.
If we all pledge to follow this, it will ultimately become the culture of
this List; and anyone deliberately attacking another person will simply not
be responded to.
If you have a personal problem with the author of a post - take it to
private email. Or, as my favorite bartender says at least twice an evening:
"Take it outside!" :-).
Don't be the issue.
Marc Riddell