[teampractices] Agile coaching and the "drama triangle"

[Arthur Richards]

Great stuff, Kevin - thank you for sharing this :)

On Wed, May 6, 2015 at 10:35 AM, Kevin Smith <ksmith at wikimedia.org> wrote:

> Last night I attended a local Agile Coaching meetup, and the topic was
> "Exiting the Conflict Triangle". Note that this was based on the Karpman
> "Drama Triangle"[1], and is not related to Galtung's unrelated "conflict
> triangle". I'll describe the concept as it was presented to us, which may
> differ from other interpretations and presentations of the material.
>
> The idea is that when a dispute arises that two people can't work out
> between themselves (at work, in families, or just about anywhere), there is
> a "villain" and a "victim", and one of them (usually the victim) will bring
> in a third party ("rescuer") to form a triangle. As agile coaches, we are
> most likely to get sucked in through the rescuer role, but of course since
> we are humans, we could form our own triangle in one of the other roles,
> even as an agile coach.
>
> This newly-formed triangle *can* resolve itself in a healthy way, but
> often it does not. In those cases, as the conflict continues, people will
> rapidly shift roles, where the villain might become the victim, and the
> rescuer might become the villain. This unhealthy spinning around is very
> reactive, and doesn't actually solve the problem.
>
> The solution is for the person in each role to shift from the less healthy
> script to a more healthy script. For the villain, it is moving away from
> insisting that things must be done one specific way, and toward laying out
> criteria and needs, allowing others to find alternative, mutually agreeable
> solutions.
>
> The victim shifts from helplessness to a realization that they have
> choices (even if none are great), and starts to get creative about
> proposing solutions that haven't yet been thought of. The rescuer backs
> away from "I can fix this" to serving as more of a neutral facilitator,
> allowing the original participants to work out their own solution.
>
> It's relatively easy for me to recognize when I am being pulled in as a
> rescuer (or facilitator), but it is more challenging to recognize (and
> admit) when I am playing the role of villain or victim. The framework and
> discussion was helpful for me to better understand some past conflicts, and
> I'll be more aware of it moving forward.
>
> [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle
>
> Kevin Smith
> Agile Coach
> Wikimedia Foundation
>
>
>
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-- 
Arthur Richards
Team Practices Manager
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