[teampractices] Agile coaching and the "drama triangle"

[Kevin Smith]

Last night I attended a local Agile Coaching meetup, and the topic was
"Exiting the Conflict Triangle". Note that this was based on the Karpman
"Drama Triangle"[1], and is not related to Galtung's unrelated "conflict
triangle". I'll describe the concept as it was presented to us, which may
differ from other interpretations and presentations of the material.

The idea is that when a dispute arises that two people can't work out
between themselves (at work, in families, or just about anywhere), there is
a "villain" and a "victim", and one of them (usually the victim) will bring
in a third party ("rescuer") to form a triangle. As agile coaches, we are
most likely to get sucked in through the rescuer role, but of course since
we are humans, we could form our own triangle in one of the other roles,
even as an agile coach.

This newly-formed triangle *can* resolve itself in a healthy way, but often
it does not. In those cases, as the conflict continues, people will rapidly
shift roles, where the villain might become the victim, and the rescuer
might become the villain. This unhealthy spinning around is very reactive,
and doesn't actually solve the problem.

The solution is for the person in each role to shift from the less healthy
script to a more healthy script. For the villain, it is moving away from
insisting that things must be done one specific way, and toward laying out
criteria and needs, allowing others to find alternative, mutually agreeable
solutions.

The victim shifts from helplessness to a realization that they have choices
(even if none are great), and starts to get creative about proposing
solutions that haven't yet been thought of. The rescuer backs away from "I
can fix this" to serving as more of a neutral facilitator, allowing the
original participants to work out their own solution.

It's relatively easy for me to recognize when I am being pulled in as a
rescuer (or facilitator), but it is more challenging to recognize (and
admit) when I am playing the role of villain or victim. The framework and
discussion was helpful for me to better understand some past conflicts, and
I'll be more aware of it moving forward.

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle

Kevin Smith
Agile Coach
Wikimedia Foundation



*Imagine a world in which every single human being can freely share in the
sum of all knowledge. That's our commitment. Help us make it a reality.*
-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: <https://lists.wikimedia.org/pipermail/teampractices/attachments/20150506/32ed6980/attachment.html>