[WikiEN-l] The Second Rape: Victim-Blaming (was Re: Self-sensorship, how far should it go?)

[Marc Riddell]

> Stan Shebs wrote:
>> I would be ashamed to be associated with a project for which the only
>> option is that members run and hide.

on 8/2/07 5:44 PM, Steve Summit at scs at eskimo.com wrote:

> Your shame is misplaced, I think.
> 
> It's like saying you'd be ashamed to dock your boat in a marina
> in which the only option for coping with rising and falling tides
> was floating docks.  Or that you'd be ashamed to live in a world
> in which the only option for coping with rain was umbrellas.
> Or that you'd be ashamed to live in a La Mancha in which the only
> option for coping with distracting windmills was dark sunglasses.
> 
> King Canute didn't manage to beat back the tide with his sword.
> Don Quixote didn't manage to slay too many windmills with his.
> 
> I am no less sorry than anyone else to say this, but: the trolls
> are out there.  They are not going to go away.  Most importantly,
> they are *not our fault*.  To imagine that they somehow are "our
> fault", to pretend that we can do anything to make them go away,
> is a futile, perhaps even delusional folly.
> 
> In any case, running and hiding is not the only option.  You can
> ignore them.  You can stand up to them.  If they threaten you in
> real life, you can sue them in real life for assault.  (Yes, I
> know, these are not always easy options.  But whatever option it
> is we're pursuing now isn't easy, either, and it's not even clear
> that it's working.)
> 
> In my book, what's not an option is to react to the trolls and
> the harassers and the abusers and the Daniel Brandts with anger,
> histrionics, or all this damn drama.  They *love*, they devour,
> they thrive on anger, histrionics, and drama.  If you decide that
> your appropriate response to them involves any of these elements,
> you hand them enormous power: they can make you jump, make you
> cry, make you do a little histrionic drama-dance, any time they
> want to, just by pushing one of your well-advertised buttons.
> 
> I refuse to give my enemies that kind of power over me.  People I
> love and respect, maybe.  But trolls and harassers don't get any
> buttons they can push -- if they're not worth my respect, they're
> certainly not worth my anger.

Steve,

As I have said before, when shouting is met with silence - all that's left
is the echo, repeating itself over and over again until it eventually fades.

Certainly, running and hiding is quite an appropriate choice under the
appropriate circumstances; but I want to be able to make that choice
situationally. And shame on anyone who tries to rob me of that choice.

Running and hiding is a reaction. Ignoring someone is neither running nor
hiding; it is simply not reacting - not feeding them. It takes real
self-control, honest, true self-assurance, to accomplish this. But, when you
have accomplished it, you have stripped them of their power, and your life
it truly yours.

Marc