[teampractices] Empathy vs compassion, when helping others

Fri Feb 24 19:12:13 UTC 2017

>
> I think the two sources differ in who they’re targeting - Klimecki is
> concerned with the giver of empathy and how it affects them, while Brené
> talks about the recipient of empathy and what hearing “Me too” vs. “At
> least you…” does to them.
>

Thanks, Natalia. I like the way you framed and clarified this. :)

I think I've been approaching this more from a decision-making perspective
than anything else. Paul Bloom (an admittedly controversial writer who
claims to be "anti-empathy" and writes a lot of political stuff that I'll
let you find yourselves rather than posting here) writes about the risks of
making decisions if one is enmeshed in the bias that comes from absorbing
and internalizing others' emotions. Additionally, he talks about the fact
that it's much harder to empathize with a group of people than it is with 1
or 2 individuals, so, in the event of leveraging empathy to help make
decisions in a group, the decision-maker may find themselves inadvertently
hindered by emotional bias that doesn't necessarily represent everyone.

I've no doubt that empathy is A) an inevitable part of reality we all
encounter and express, B) useful for a myriad of engagements, including
supporting individuals emotionally when they are coping with something, and
C) a valuable way to learn/experience/grow for oneself. I'm wary, however,
of using empathy in language directed at decision making, such as team or
organizational values.

And as Kevin alluded to, the language of all these words (sympathy,
compassion, etc) can be confusing and inconsistent. I think the way I've
interpreted the "anti-empathy" statements is that, when helping others by
making decisions, especially groups, it's important to use as much
objectivity as possible, in part to avoid bias and burnout.

Another way to think about it might be similar to the excellent
presentation you gave TPG a while back, on Low-Context vs High-Context
<https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High-_and_low-context_cultures>
situations/scenarios/relationships. Could empathy be inherently
High-Context?

On Fri, Feb 24, 2017 at 10:47 AM, Natalia Harateh <nharateh at wikimedia.org>
wrote:

> Mukunda, I think you’ve added the discussion more than you think you
> did. 🕊️
>
> Max, I’d say that the article you linked is in line with what Brené says
> about empathy -
>
> *When someone’s in a deep hole and they shout from the bottom and say,
> “I’m stuck, it’s dark, I’m overwhelmed”. And we look and we say, “Hey!” and
> climb down, “I know what it’s like down here, and you’re not alone”. (…)
> Empathy is a choice and it’s a vulnerable choice. Because in order to
> connect with you, I have to connect with something in myself that knows
> that feeling.*
>
> I can see how connecting with something in yourself that knows that
> feeling, can, as Klimecki puts it, result in an increase in negative
> emotions and carry the danger of an emotional burnout.
> I think the two sources differ in who they’re targeting - Klimecki is
> concerned with the giver of empathy and how it affects them, while Brené
> talks about the recipient of empathy and what hearing “Me too” vs. “At
> least you…” does to them.
>
> As for empathy vs. sympathy, I’m gonna throw in an infographic that I
> found in this Psychology Today article on Empathy Vs Sympathy
> <https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201505/empathy-vs-sympathy>
>  -
>
>
> <https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201505/empathy-vs-sympathy>
>
> I think it’s in line with the definition of compassion from the article
> linked by Sarah (thank you Sarah):
>
> *Compassion literally means “to suffer together.” Among
> emotion researchers, it is defined as the feeling that arises when you
> are confronted with another’s suffering and feel motivated to relieve
> that suffering.*
>
> Sarah, I’d love to see those materials, if you ever have time to scan and
> share them!
>
>
> <https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hide-and-seek/201505/empathy-vs-sympathy>
>
> On 24 Feb 2017, at 19:02, Mukunda Modell <mmodell at wikimedia.org> wrote:
>
> Just in case it wasn't clear:  that was my bad attempt at humor, nothing
> more.
>
> ☮
>
> On Thu, Feb 23, 2017 at 8:03 PM, Mukunda Modell <mmodell at wikimedia.org>
> wrote:
>
>> I hear that breathing can be dangerous. Showers also.
>>
>> I apologize for adding precisely nothing useful to this otherwise
>> interesting and thought provoking thread.
>>
>> On Thu, Feb 23, 2017 at 5:42 PM, Kevin Smith <ksmith at wikimedia.org>
>> wrote:
>>
>>> Thanks both for sharing those links. It quickly became clear to me that
>>> my definitions of empathy, sympathy, and compassion, are fuzzy. Quick skims
>>> of the relevant wikipedia article intros didn't really help.
>>>
>>> I have heard that sympathy is "bad", so I'll just empathize instead.
>>> Oops, empathy is now dangerous? No problem, I'll just have compassion. Did
>>> I actually change anything other than the word?
>>>
>>> I just proposed a Tea Time topic for this.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Kevin Smith
>>> Agile Coach, Wikimedia Foundation
>>>
>>>
>>> On Thu, Feb 23, 2017 at 3:09 PM, Natalia Harateh <nharateh at wikimedia.org
>>> > wrote:
>>>
>>>> Thanks for sharing, Max! I’ll definitely read the article. If I can add
>>>> to the discussion, here’s a short 2:53 min video explaining empathy in
>>>> a way that resonated with me <https://youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw>.
>>>>
>>>> TL;DR:
>>>>
>>>> *What is the best way to ease someone's pain and suffering? In this
>>>> beautifully animated RSA Short, Dr Brené Brown reminds us that we can only
>>>> create a genuine empathic connection if we are brave enough to really get
>>>> in touch with our own fragilities.*
>>>>
>>>> On 23 Feb 2017, at 23:53, Max Binder <mbinder at wikimedia.org> wrote:
>>>>
>>>> I ran across an article claiming that empathizing with others on their
>>>> issues can be a slippery slope to bias, or at the very least unnecessary
>>>> absorption of another person's issues and feelings. The article was
>>>> political in nature, so I won't post it, but it did make some claims that I
>>>> thought to research.
>>>>
>>>> That let me to this article on compassion as an alternative to empathy:
>>>> http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/when_empathy_hu
>>>> rts_compassion_can_heal
>>>>
>>>> I can't attest for the reputation of the site linked, but it makes some
>>>> interesting arguments. I thought those arguments might be relevant since we
>>>> often operate in an environment with, and espouse values using, words like
>>>> "empathy."
>>>>
>>>> TL;DR:
>>>>
>>>> we can better cope with others’ negative emotions by strengthening our
>>>>> own compassion skills, which the researchers define as “feeling concern for
>>>>> another’s suffering and desiring to enhance that individual’s welfare.”
>>>>> “Empathy is really important for understanding others’ emotions very
>>>>> deeply, but there is a downside of empathy when it comes to the suffering
>>>>> of others,” says Olga Klimecki, a researcher at the Max Planck Institute
>>>>> for Human Cognitive and Brain Sciences in Germany and the lead author of
>>>>> the study. “When we share the suffering of others too much, our negative
>>>>> emotions increase. It carries the danger of an emotional burnout.”
>>>>>
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>>
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