On Tue, Jun 24, 2014 at 6:29 AM, Valerie Aurora <valerie(a)adainitiative.org>
wrote:
Hi Derric,
This list is not for the purpose of improving people's communication
skills. If you would like to help women in Wikimedia projects and you
know that you have difficulty communicating without offending people,
working on your communication skills in another venue is a good first
step. A good second step is to search the internet for resources on
ally skills.
This response seems a bit harsh to me; the list may not be about
communication skills in general, but good communication is certainly a part
of learning to be a good ally, and thus seems to fall within our discussion
remit.
Derric is a good contributor to our projects, who is confused about why
what he thought was a reasonable and explanatory comment was taken amiss. I
don't particularly think we should rehash why it was taken amiss; no good
will come out of people feeling like they are forced to justify their
feelings. But, the overall topic of why some explanatory comments are
helpful and others aren't would be interesting to me. In particular, this
topic is interesting to me because the Wikimedia world is a world of people
who really, really love to explain things (myself certainly included). We
would not likely not be in the business of writing an encyclopedia etc if
we didn't all enjoy sharing information and explanations and data -- and
yes, opinions.
* Sometimes, being an "explainer" is a really positive trait: when a
newcomer comes asking for help on how to do something, and they get help.
* Sometimes, it's problematic: when a newcomer comes asking for help, and
they get talked down to because they're not already part of the culture, or
treated badly because they don't already know the rules ("your article is
being deleted because of CSD:A5").
* Sometimes, it's a positive trait: when in a discussion people are willing
to consider new data, or focus on substance rather than who is making the
point.
* Sometimes: it's a negative trait: when in a discussion people voice an
opinion, and they get contradicted by someone else who has a different view
or wants to explain an argument but is also not really listening to the
comment being made.
I would be interested in coming up with strategies for how to channel this
trait that many of us (of both genders!) have -- of being thoughtful but
also deeply focused on logic and explanations -- for good on the projects.
How can we all learn how to be supportive and helpful, including when we
don't understand or disagree with someone, or when someone we're
interacting with doesn't have this same trait?
-- phoebe (who overexplains things as a librarian, too!)