[Wikitech-l] Non-Violent Communication

[Monte Hurd]

+1

When I read certain threads on this list, I feel like the "assume good faith" principle is often forgotten. 

Because this behavior makes me not want to participate in discussions about issues I actually care about, I wonder how many other voices, like mine, aren't heard, and to what degree this undermines any eventual perceived consensus?

To be sure, if you don't assume good faith, your opinion still matters, but you unnecessarily weaken both your argument and the discussion.


> On Feb 17, 2014, at 11:45 AM, "Derric Atzrott" <datzrott at alizeepathology.com> wrote:
> 
> Hoy all,
> 
> I've been meaning to start a thread about this for a while, but just hadn't
> gotten around to it.  Things have been rather heated the past few days, so I
> figured now would be as good a time as any to go about starting this thread.
> 
> Have any of you ever heard of Non-Violent Communication (NVC).  It's a method of
> communicating, well really more a method of thinking, that aims to reduce and
> resolve conflicts between people.  NVC has sometimes also been called Empathetic
> Communication or Needs Based Communication.  The idea of NVC is to frame the
> discussion in terms of needs and feelings, followed up by requests.  "Nonviolent
> Communication holds that most conflicts between individuals or groups arise from
> miscommunication about their human needs, due to coercive or manipulative
> language that aims to induce fear, guilt, shame, etc. These 'violent' modes of
> communication, when used during a conflict, divert the attention of the
> participants away from clarifying their needs, their feelings, their
> perceptions, and their requests, thus perpetuating the conflict." [0]
> 
> The core of NVC is an NVC expression, which is made up of four components:
> Observations ("When I see/hear/notice..."), Feelings ("...I feel..."), Needs
> ("...because I need/value..."), and Requests ("Would you be willing to...?").
> Observations are the facts themselves, and are not broad generalizations.
> Feelings are emotions, they are distinct from stories, thoughts, and
> evaluations.  Feelings are also self-owned and not attributed to others (so one
> doesn't feel attacked, one feels angry, likewise one doesn't feel betrayed, one
> feels hurt or stunned, or perhaps even outraged).  Finally requests are simply
> that requests, but they are not demands.  You have to be willing to hear the
> other person say no.
> 
> To take a recent example from the mailing list:
> "Cool, I'll just pop in. Oh, wait." (David, I want you to know I am not picking
> a quote from you specifically for any reason, it was just one that stood out to
> me as something that could have been much better expressed within the NVC
> framework)
> 
> This could have been expressed as:
> When people talk about things off-list, I feel resentful and frustrated because
> my needs for community, consideration, and to be heard are not being met.  Would
> you be willing to keep the discussion on-list so that I can participate?
> 
> NVC values honestly expressing your own needs and feeling and empathetically
> listening to those of others.  Two things that really harm this connection are
> blaming others and blaming ourselves.
> 
> I really encourage everyone on this list to do a little bit of reading into NVC.
> I've linked to the Wikipedia article at the bottom of this email along with the
> website for the Center for Non-Violent Communication.  The NVC way of thinking
> has really made a huge difference in how I understand and express myself to
> people.  I'm by no means perfect at it myself, but even with the practice that I
> have I've already seen a huge improvement in how I relate to others.  I really
> think that it could do a lot of good here. 
> 
> Thank you,
> Derric Atzrott
> Computer Specialist
> Alizee Pathology
> 
> [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonviolent_Communication NVC on Wikipedia
> [1] http://www.cnvc.org/ Center for Non-Violent Communication
> [2] https://www.cnvc.org/Training/feelings-inventory Feelings Inventory (really
> useful for those of us who aren't in touch with our feelings, like myself)
> [3] http://www.cnvc.org/Training/needs-inventory Needs Inventory (also very
> useful for those of us who aren't in touch with our needs, again, like myself)
> 
> 
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