If Rob Was Here 

A Eulogy Given Saturday May 29, 2021 for My Dear Friend Rob Lallier

If Rob was here he would be MCing this memorial. 

He would have greeted each of us heartily with a personalized moniker or reflection then he’d smoothly introduce you to someone in the room you didn’t know and, before you know it, he would disappear, moving on to his next matchmaking soirée. 

If Rob was here he would regale us with a story about the deceased as if it wasn’t him...some adventure he had had...maybe the one on the Pedernales River or the one about Shakespeare at Winedale. 

If Rob was here he’d give a literary review of the last book he’d read and give a minimum of five recommendations for you to read. 

In private he would ask for your opinion of his date and talk of his struggles to maintain a relationship but with a sly wink he would hint about the incredible sex he was having for a guy his age. Sorry you had to hear that Keely (Rob’s daughter). 

If Rob was here he’d point to something imaginary on your shirt and then flick your nose when you looked then he’d slip outside for a smoke...of something...and start up a conversation about his not being dead which would quickly turn into a professorial lecture and then possibly an argument. It would be challenging to disagree with him, as it always was, but somehow our dead friend would convince you that he was alive or ironically that there was life after death...which for an atheist, as he was, is quite an accomplishment. 

If Rob was here he would brag about his daughter...her work and her betrothal to a fine young man which filled him with so much happiness. 

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These were added by others at the Memorial: 

If Rob was here he would suggest we cook an elaborate meal after the memorial...from scratch. 

If Rob was here the food would be fabulous. 

If Rob was here we’d play poker and all the cards would be wild except one. 

If Rob was here I would hug him until he became uncomfortable and still hold on. I would leave him some pot under the porch mat, make him laugh, and tell him that I love him. 

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If Rob was here he’d point to something imaginary on my shirt and then flick my nose when I looked. Got me again...damn it!  

If Rob was here he’d talk about his community college students...something about the numbing challenge of cracking their hardened shells...a Sisyphean challenge that although he complained about it, he clearly loved it and would throw himself into it over and over again. 

But Rob isn’t here. We are here. Actually all I can say is that I am somewhat here, somewhat in some other place of memory, and somewhat in a place in the future contemplating death. 

I can say that he was here and we were here together and I for one am better for having been here with him...despite his incessant Rob-ness. 

If Rob was here I’d pull him aside and ask him to help me write the ending of this eulogy. He’d quibble with that word suggesting three alternatives. 

 

Randy McCommons  

May 29, 2021