Hey Carol (and the list!) The escalation was equally my fault. And I also apologise for the incident, and the things I said. My "nice" comment, as I explained in private, was not intended to cause upset - I was unaware of the connotations. In that light; I can see how my reply could cause upset, and in future I'll avoid the word! (Incidentally, that reminds me of an anecdote from primary school - when I wrote a short story which used the word "nice" to describe something. I didn't half get an ear bashing from my teacher about how horrible and bland a word it was. So this is not the first time I have gotten in trouble using "nice" in my writing) Anyway; what you wrote the other day, Carol, was most definitely an apology, no "sort of" about it :) And I hope my apology in reply was adequate. As I mentioned in our email exchange the other day; being a male on this list can sometimes make it feel difficult to participate. If I respond in-kind to strong comments this gets criticised (not unreasonably). If I roll over I feel this is just as sexist/rude, even if only I know about it (i.e. I'm subject to a thought process like "that person is female, so I should defer to avoid causing offence"). My solution is to try and make my responses match the message I am replying to; this obviously doesn't always work out :) So in the future if I am being a jerk or an idiot a) it has nothing to do with the sex of the people involved and b) please do send me a private note with the appropriate level of "trout" applied. We all get grumpy or offended at times, and I don't mean it personally. The notes from the moderators posted to this list are great; and I will do my best to meet the high standard they are looking for in the future. Tom On 30 August 2012 14:31, Carol Moore DC &lt;carolmooredc(a)verizon.net <mailto:carolmooredc@verizon.net>> wrote: I hate to use physiological excuses, but...the reason I "lost control" was I had a bad head cold - plus doing strong coffee on top. So confused mental/emotional states on steroids dominated my writing... I value Wikipedia as a place where I HAVE to be diplomatic, since I do lose my temper like that a bit too much sometimes on various male dominated political lists where there's a lot of flaming, so I was unhappy about my own "slip." I did write Mr. Morton and (sort of) apologize for "starting" in such a provocative "joking" tone because of his "nice" comment, instead of just making a civil comment/question...and then for my escalating from there. Two days on my apologies to the him and the list are even more sincere!! :-) Glad to see Laura misunderstood and wasn't asked to leave. Politically I understand worldwide problems with American Imperialism; Wikimedia-wise I just haven't been sufficiently on top of the intricacies of Wikimedia politics to understand all the issues so at least there I've been able to maintain my diplomacy - so far!! CM _______________________________________________ Gendergap mailing list Gendergap(a)lists.wikimedia.org <mailto:Gendergap@lists.wikimedia.org> https://lists.wikimedia.org/mailman/listinfo/gendergap _______________________________________________ Gendergap mailing list Gendergap(a)lists.wikimedia.org https://lists.wikimedia.org/mailman/listinfo/gendergap

>Mind the gap! Support Wikipedia women's outreach: donate today