So it sounds like everyone is in favor of setting some kind of clear(er) standard for discussion here. As far as those standards go...Just a note on this point: "Be aware that using an aggressive or argumentative tone (or even just posting too much) can discourage people from participating."
Does everyone feel good about the mailing list code of conduct on Meta? If you think it's missing something key or includes something unnecessary, please edit it.
If that's something we can get consensus on, then it's a tool we can use for pointing out when a conversation has gone haywire.