There are a lot of challenges in being able to develop a consistent process of managing user behaviour.  Here are just a few that I've noticed over the years:
 
In other words, as a community we create a climate where poor behaviour is the most effective means to motivate needed changes, where our policies and practices can be used as weapons both to support negative behaviour and also to "punish" positive behaviour, where the boundaries of unacceptable behaviour vary widely dependent on a large number of factors and enforcement is extraordinarily inconsistent, and where we openly claim to follow a behavioural model that *sounds* progressive but is in reality possibly even more nasty than our own. 

On reading far, far back into archives, it appears that "incivility" has been a problem almost since the inception of the project.  In the early days of the project, blocks and bans were almost non-existent, and huge amounts of time were invested in trying to "correct" behaviour (considerably more per capita than today, the community cuts its losses much earlier now than in 2002-04). In fact, blocks and  bans were very rare until the arrival of extensive trolling and vandalism in 2005-06, which led to the appointment of a massive number of administrators in 2006-07 in order to address these problems. 

None of this speaks to solutions, I know.  But it is important to put the discussion into a more historical context, and to recognize the flashpoints where incivility is often identified. 

Risker/Anne