On May 18, 2011, at 12:47 PM, Sarah wrote:

I did say something in the end, and an uninvolved admin left a note on talk asking that the remarks cease. And though he meant well, and I was and remain grateful to him for stepping in, he asked that they cease as a matter of courtesy to me. But I didn't want them to stop as a matter of courtesy. I wanted people to recognize that they were politically unacceptable.

Then I had to explain why the remarks were offensive, when what I really wanted was for them to end, and the meta-discussion to end. Eventually it did die down and a couple of other editors stepped in, and one of the earlier ones apologized, so it was okay.

But I would love to find a way to nip this kind of thing in the bud. I've thought of trying to write an essay or a guideline -- but then people will cry censorship, and will want to know what kind of comments are suddenly not permitted, and who is to judge whether they're offensive, and will argue that not all women agree on definitions of sexism anyway. So it felt like too much of an uphill struggle even to begin it.

This is the struggle of social justice issues on a wider scale, in many ways-- how can we address the -isms of the world in a way that enables processing and change to happen, versus pushing them further underground? In some ways, seeing terrible behavior is the unfortunate and painful reminder that there is work to be done... it's a balancing act that few have been able to pull off in the last couple decades, I feel. In any case, Sarah, I'm with you on this. You explain the challenges and frustrations well, in a way that I think represents how many previously-marginalized voices feel coming into these spaces.