Dear Val,
I've now read and reread your message (quoted below) several times, and want to thank you for putting this important concept in such clear and tangible terms.
I have just one thing to add:
It seems to me that this points to a broader issue that's deeply connected with the social dynamics of collaborative communities that value public communication, and is not restricted to gender-related topics. In the Wikimedia world, we have lots of people who are willing, even eager, to offer help and advise in a wide variety of areas, but that don't feel any special *responsibility* to meet specific expectations for help and advice. So frequently, we encounter frustrations when people seeking help (analogous to your example of men with poor social skills -- but I'm trying to look at it broadly, as "people lacking XYZ skills") encounter some kind of resistance on our projects, and assume that the people around them will take the time to educate them.
This dynamic can lead to all kinds of discord, but in many cases, it isn't really any one person's fault.
I think this is something worthy of some careful thought, and probably research. It would be great if we could think through how expectations of assistance play out throughout our projects; I suspect that we would start to see some ways to improve not only the gender gap, but perhaps some other general negative dynamics in the movement.
-Pete
[[User:Peteforsyth]]