This response seems a bit harsh to me; the list may not be about communication skills in general, but good communication is certainly a part of learning to be a good ally, and thus seems to fall within our discussion remit.

Derric is a good contributor to our projects, who is confused about why what he thought was a reasonable and explanatory comment was taken amiss. I don't particularly think we should rehash why it was taken amiss; no good will come out of people feeling like they are forced to justify their feelings. But, the overall topic of why some explanatory comments are helpful and others aren't would be interesting to me. In particular, this topic is interesting to me because the Wikimedia world is a world of people who really, really love to explain things (myself certainly included). We would not likely not be in the business of writing an encyclopedia etc if we didn't all enjoy sharing information and explanations and data -- and yes, opinions.

* Sometimes, being an "explainer" is a really positive trait: when a newcomer comes asking for help on how to do something, and they get help.

* Sometimes, it's problematic: when a newcomer comes asking for help, and they get talked down to because they're not already part of the culture, or treated badly because they don't already know the rules ("your article is being deleted because of CSD:A5").

* Sometimes, it's a positive trait: when in a discussion people are willing to consider new data, or focus on substance rather than who is making the point.

* Sometimes: it's a negative trait: when in a discussion people voice an opinion, and they get contradicted by someone else who has a different view or wants to explain an argument but is also not really listening to the comment being made.

I would be interested in coming up with strategies for how to channel this trait that many of us (of both genders!) have -- of being thoughtful but also deeply focused on logic and explanations -- for good on the projects. How can we all learn how to be supportive and helpful, including when we don't understand or disagree with someone, or when someone we're interacting with doesn't have this same trait?

-- phoebe (who overexplains things as a librarian, too!)