[WikiEN-l] Being bold doesn't work anymore, or why our prose is so bad.

[Steve Bennett]

On 9/7/07, K P <kpbotany at gmail.com> wrote:
> Steve, good attempt at de-crappifying.  Keep trying.  Can you
> translate this into English, "High speeds, however, as
> for example with modern jet engine aircraft will produce considerable
> energy and may cause considerable damage ?"

I tried. I changed it to:
High speed impacts, however, as with jet aircraft, can cause
considerable damage or even a total [[catastrophic failure]] to the
vehicle.

But one should go further. What are we really trying to say? A
sentence like the following would be much more helpful:
High speed imacts with jet aircraft are responsible for $xxx million
per year to the US aviation industry[1], and have caused the loss of
several civilian and military aircraft in the last decade[2].

Or being specific about the "considerable damage" - to what, wings,
engines or windshield? As it stands it's ridiculously vague.

 I also don't like the way the article has been phrased to try and
cover both planes (900kph+), trains (100-300kph) and cars (30-150kph).
Let alone the fact that there is a picture of a deer in an article
about *bird* strikes...

Steve