[WikiEN-l] I have apoligized

Wed May 14 07:47:37 UTC 2003

--- Adam von [name omitted for privacy reasons] <cddvdlenscleaner at yahoo.com> wrote:
> I have apoligized, on numerous occasions and via numerous channels
> of communication. I have apoligized both publicly and privately. I
> have apoligized both to the general community and to specific
> individuals. 

The number of apologies is not a quantifier to true apology.
Sincerity is. Sincerity in apology is demonstrated by change in
behavior. One apology should have been enough.

> I have even apoligized for specific behaviour which I felt was
> inappropriate but which the general community does not view as
> bannable behavior and which nobody has ever attacked me for and
> that several sysops frequently enage in without any condemnation;
> for example, swearing.  

Swearing is part of the human language for a reason, and it allows
for a fuller range of expression of human emotion. Swearing in a
contextual, constructive and meaningful way is generally never
frowned upon. 

> It would be appropriate, for those who argue that I am a vandal, to
> stop stating that I have refused to abide by wiki guidelines, that
> I have refused to apoligize, or that I have refused to admit that
> my behavior was inappropriate.

It is inappropriate to tell other people what to do when you yourself
do not want other people telling you what to do.

> I would like to further note, that while my opponents my claim I am
> a vandal for referring to the people of "Minoa" (an allegedly
> fictitous empire), engaging in an edit war over the name of
> Christopher Columbus, referring to the Queen of England as Ms.
> Bowes-Lyon, and insisting that regime is a POV term...I must note,
> I have NEVER taken paragraphs of text inserted by any user and
> deleted them - the worst I have done is taken paragraphs of text
> and moved them. 

I can take paragraphs of text and reorganize them to mean something
completely different than what was intended by the author. If
original meaning is retained, then that is fine. If original meaning
is altered, then it would have been better had those paragraphs been
cut out altogether.

> Nor have I ever entered swearwords into an article or changed
> dates, names, people, places, or any other information in such a
> way as to render the article clearly fallacious. The closest
> allegation of this sort which was made against me was, "I don't see
> anything factually wrong with Lir's additions; but I'm certain
> there is some hidden POV which we will find upon further
> investigation."

Except of course the names of the aforementioned Christopher Columbus
and Queen of England. 
Truth and lies are not so much in what is written, but rather in what
is left unwritten. To have wholesomeness, a subject matter must be
complete. 

> I was banned for 1 week because when other users deleted my
> additions, leading to an edit war, I started swearing at them and
> making personal attacks. That was a very very long time ago, at a
> point in time where I was suffering from a nicotine addiction. 

A very long time ago? This project will still be here in 10 years.
(with a lot more articles). You'll be around. You may have a
completely different attitude about life then. 

Your suffering from a nicotine addiction is not an excuse to engage
in belligerent behavior. We are not your counselors or medical
professionals. I would suggest that you specifically not engage in
working on the W until your personal issues have been resolved
satisfactorily.

Please do not interpret my last comment to mean that I am condemning
you for your ailments. We all face challenges of many sorts in our
life, from day-to-day stress to difficult childhoods to insufferable
co-workers (arrgghhh--Wew, feeling better already). It is my wish
that you would find healing and restfulness and clarity of thought
for yourself in your life. It is for that reason that I recommend you
lay off the Wiki since in and of itself it can cause stress and
confrontation and addictive behavior (we have a page about that
somewhere), and it may not be the best thing for you at this stage in
your life.

> It is true that I violated my ban, first with one account and then
> another, but during all that time and all those thousands and
> thousands and thousands of edits, did I ever vandalize an article?
> Did I ever swear at anybody? In all those thousands of edits, did I
> ever do anything wrong besides being me, admitting to being me,
> writing on topics which only I have been working on, and use an
> identifiable OS/browser/IP? 

The fact that we could not trust the author meant that the articles
had to be scrutinized, and that means extra work and irritation and
often frustration. I am looking forward to the day when I see A. v.
[name omitted for privacy reasons] next to an edit and say to myself "Nothing to see here; must
be solid edit; moving on down the recent changes list." 

Adam, 

I have tried in the past to work with you, and I have often been at a
loss of what to feel about you. I am sure this emotion is echoed by
many of the people who make up this remarkable community.

I don't care a great deal about policies, etiquette and formalities.
What I do care about is people. I respect people, lend my ear to
their complaints and praise (it happened once, you know), and try to
get along.

It hasn't always been easy. I've had it rough in my life, and the
chip on my shoulder was always a sizeable boulder. But I made a
decision that even if people were not nice to me, I would be nice to
them. This was purely selfish, if you must know. I just felt better
when I wasn't blaming and hating and scheming and backstabbing. I
just did it for me. The end-result, though, is that the people that
now gather around me are nicer, friendlier, supportive, and
forgiving. (end of sermon)

I like this community. Zoe's quirky, Mav's ranting, Jimbo
non-committal, and Ed, well, he's Ed. And sometimes I read all the
post on the mailing list, and sometimes I just delete them all. And
sometimes I don't even go to the W for a few weeks. But all in all, I
like the people and the place.

So, now that you know where I'm coming from, here's my advice:

Take a break off the W, like 3 months. Rent some movies. Go to the
park and walk. Take photos of trees.
When you come back, talk to Jimbo. Tell him you'll behave and that
you want another shot. If he says no, respect his decision.

If he says yes, then act in a kind, courteous manner at all times.
Reference all material, maintain detachment, and think like a
historian.

=====
Christopher Mahan
chris_mahan at yahoo.com
818.943.1850 cell
http://www.christophermahan.com/

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