Hi Sarah,
I hope you're not implying I was rejecting it out of hand :) I'm being fairly thoughtful about this, but I think Katherine didn't handle her concerns well, and I wanted to communicate that as pleasantly as I could.
I disagree with the approach you seem to be suggesting, which is to take any allegation of sexism (or etc.) and assume it to be both reasonable and accurate. Instead what I suggest is that it is perfectly fine (and actually a good thing) ot turn around and say "actually I don't think that was X", whilst still being sensitive of what that individual feels.
Hi Tom, if a person who has been the target of a certain prejudice all
their lives alleges that something is an example of that prejudice, it's
worth assuming that they have a point given their long experience of
it.
That doesn't mean they're necessarily right, but their perspective is hard-earned, so we have to listen and
really try to embrace it when we're not members of the target group
ourselves. Otherwise the blind spots just go on.
Putting ourselves in someone else's shoes doesn't mean:
"if I, with my own life history, beliefs and characteristics, were in
that person's position, would I see this as sexist/racist/homophobic?" Rather, it means: "can I imagine how would I see things if I really were that person,
with that person's history?"
Sarah